My boyfriend doesn’t want to marry me but wants to have a child

File photo of a worried woman

Dear GhanaWeb,

My boyfriend and I are both genotype AS, and we are in our early 30s. We’ve been together for about three years before he moved abroad.

After his relocation, we began discussing our genotype and the implications for marriage. He suggested two options: that we could give birth naturally and nothing would happen, or that we could marry but choose not to have children.

I declined both suggestions because I am afraid of giving birth to a child with sickle cell disease, and I also cannot imagine being in a marriage where we intentionally decide not to have children.

We agreed to find a solution that would help us avoid giving birth to an SS child, and decided to pursue IVF. I asked him to perform my marriage rites, but he said IVF was expensive and that we should focus on it first. If it succeeded, then we could think about marriage.

Unfortunately, we had two unsuccessful IVF attempts. This year, he suggested a different option: non-invasive prenatal testing, which means conceiving naturally and then conducting the test.

I agreed, but I also told him to marry me since we are committed to trying every possible option and neither of us wants to lose the other. However, he refused.

He argued that because I once said I couldn’t marry without having children, we should give birth before considering marriage. I told him the past is past, and since he doesn’t want us to break up, he should perform my marriage rites. Still, he declined and insisted on giving birth first.

I feel disturbed by the verbal altercation we had today, especially his insistence on referring back to my past statements. His refusal to marry me now makes me suspect he may have a hidden agenda. I am scared I might regret this later in life.

Am I exaggerating or overthinking? Should I forget about marriage and focus on giving birth, or reconsider my stance? I need advice on what to do.

FG/EB

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