Ghanaian parents have mastered the art of medical diagnosis with an accuracy rate that defies modern science.
No matter the symptoms—headache, stomach ache, dizziness, or even a mysterious rash—their first and only conclusion is: “It’s malaria.” And before you can protest, you’re already being sent to the pharmacy to buy malaria medicine.
The Universal Diagnosis
It doesn’t matter what is wrong with you; the moment you mention feeling unwell, the verdict is immediate:
- “You’re feeling weak? It’s malaria.”
- “You have a fever? It’s malaria.”
- “Your leg is broken? Eii, maybe it’s malaria.”
Ghanaian parents will confidently diagnose malaria with zero hesitation, no medical tests, and no need for second opinions.
Who needs a doctor when you have a mother with decades of experience in home-based medical practice?
Paracetamol: The Ultimate Cure
Once malaria has been identified as the cause of all your problems, the next step is predictable: Take paracetamol.
- Stomach pain? Take paracetamol.
- Sore throat? Take paracetamol.
- Emotional stress? Take paracetamol.
To Ghanaian parents, this magic pill is the solution to every possible illness.
If paracetamol doesn’t work, the backup remedy is a cup of bitters, herbal tea, or a mysterious concoction brewed in an empty Voltic bottle.
The Struggle to Convince Them Otherwise
If, by some miracle, you suggest going to the hospital, prepare for resistance.
- “Eii, hospital? For what? It’s just malaria.”
- “You people like to waste money. Let me give you some agbo (herbal mixture).”
And if you insist on seeing a doctor, you’ll hear the classic line: “By the time they finish running tests, your malaria will be gone.”
A Tradition That Won’t Change
For Ghanaian parents, malaria is the default illness, and paracetamol is the default cure. No amount of medical advancement can change this reality.
So, the next time you feel unwell and hear “It’s malaria”, just nod, take the paracetamol, and pretend it’s working—because resistance is futile.
