Marital dissatisfaction, particularly around intimacy, is often rooted in deeper emotional and psychological dynamics rather than what happens in the bedroom, according to relationship experts.
Speaking on Joy Prime’s Let’s Talk show on Tuesday, April 28, Marriage and Relationship Counsellor and Resident Pastor of Universal Gospel Center, Rev. Daniel Anan, said a man’s behaviour in marriage is closely tied to his sense of purpose and authority.
When that authority is challenged, he explained, the reaction becomes deeply personal.
“Whenever a man sees that his authority in the home is being lost or challenged, he thinks that his very being is under attack,” Rev. Anan said.
Also speaking on the show, Counsellor Perfect agreed, noting that intimacy is closely linked to a man’s ego. Constant complaints, she warned, can shut him down.
“If you don’t handle it well, you are going to shut him down,” she said, stressing that approach matters if a partner is to remain open rather than withdraw.
The situation worsens when intimacy shifts from connection to obligation. Rev. Anan observed that dissatisfaction grows when a husband engages physically out of duty rather than desire.
“When a man has sex with his wife as a duty, simply because she is his wife, it loses its meaning,” he explained.
Counsellor Perfect urged women to look beyond the surface, noting that stress, health challenges, or financial pressure often explain a husband’s withdrawal.
“Put your feelings aside and focus on your husband. Get to know what is really happening in his life,” she advised, adding that understanding the root cause helps turn blame into partnership.
Both experts emphasised that how and when couples communicate can determine the outcome of difficult conversations. Rev. Anan cautioned against choosing environments that undermine respect.
“When you are communicating with a man, consider the environment. Will it honour him or disrespect him?” he said.
He added that disrespectful words can have lasting effects. “The moment he senses disrespect, he begins to pay attention to the kind of words you use.”
Counsellor Perfect echoed the concern, warning against constant correction.
“You are not there to correct him,” she said, urging partners instead to create an environment where the man feels valued.
“Respect keeps the door open for honest conversations,” she added.
The experts also highlighted the impact of financial and emotional stress on men. Rev. Anan noted that pressure often affects key areas of a man’s life.
“It affects two major things a man holds onto, sex and money,” he said, explaining that when pressure builds, intimacy often declines.
Drawing from biblical examples, Rev. Anan pointed to Abigail, who handled a difficult situation with wisdom and calmness, earning respect and preserving her household.
Counsellor Perfect offered a practical approach: initiate connection rather than make demands.
“The more you give to him, the more he will also respond positively,” she said, noting that mutual effort, not one-sided expectations, helps rebuild intimacy.
For both Rev. Anan and Counsellor Perfect, the solution lies in balance, being assertive about one’s needs while communicating with wisdom.
“Understand his need for respect and purpose, find out what is really happening in his life, choose your words and timing carefully, and build a connection through mutual effort,” Counsellor Perfect said.
The experts agreed that this approach prevents duty from replacing love and stops stress from eroding intimacy.
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Source: www.myjoyonline.com